max abelson's super groovy music video spectacular

#856: laurindo almeida & the modern jazz quartet - one note samba (1964)

the wonderfully sneering, dead-eyed, condescending, jowly, ahistorical and nearly-charming idiocy of the introduction (“i don’t think any instrument has received quite such maltreatment in recent years or perhaps ever as the guitar, the once noble instrument which has now been appropriated by almost any teenager who can learn three chords”), is outmatched only by the same announcer’s cruel and curious postscript denouncement of guitar picks. but nothing he says matters, because together the modern jazz quartet and the guitarist laurindo almeida sound like the please hold music at the pearly gates. it is very nice.

#845: delaney & bonnie & friends (george harrison and eric clapton) - poor elijah (1969, live)

the super groovy music video extravaganza’s official george harrison documentary policy: instead of watching a premium cable television movie about the most dignified beatle directed by a man who should have ceased all music documentary work after the last waltz because it could not possibly have been improved upon (although i saw no direction home in its entirety in a movie theater alone and got pretty emotional), watch this live 1969 delaney & bonnie & friends clip on repeat until the truth of george harrison’s mustache reveals itself to you in all its universal loving splendor. late-60s eric clapton up there knows what i’m talking about, don’t you late-60s eric?

#841: the main ingredient - everybody plays the fool (1972)

not all songs delivered to suicidally-morose cuckolds are textured, but this one’s textured. it is satin. no, it’s mohair. no, it isn’t even mohair, it’s mustache. shampooed and conditioned mustache.

#833: the faces - stay with me (1971, bbc)

sometimes young rod stewart twirls the microphone stand, but some days the stand twirls rod. have you ever stopped to think about that?

of course you haven’t, it makes absolutely no sense. but neither does a toilet bowl-shaped guitar, and neither does the terrifying fact that rod stewart was once so egregiously glamorous and gritty. it was a post-mick, open-shirt, canine-coiffed kind of glamor and grit, back when rod was stomping around with that ugly genius ron wood in the faces, after the faces were called the small faces, but before stand-twirling stewart was a mediocre crooner fathering second-tier reality stars.

stay with us, young rod.

#758: pete drake - forever (1964, live)

pete drake’s pedal steel guitar can make the mightiest mustache quiver. his twang is the twang of lust and lassoes and loss. in fact, if you really want to be specific, pete drake is the sound of the minutes between 4:28 a.m. and 4:51 a.m., when night becomes morning and tongues start tasting unwashed. put forever on and it’ll be slightly less horrible—although the pitch of his talkbox is so creepy that i really am surprised no one’s sampled it yet. after you get some sleep, listen to his playing on bob dylan’s nashville albums, or george harrison’s all things must pass, or tracy nelson’s mother earth, or porter wagoner songs, and then, to seal the deal, watch this wagoner video.

#751: paul simon - 50 ways to leave your lover (1975, live bbc)

if paul simon’s 1975 mustache had a romantic entanglement with the back of paul simon’s 1975 hairstyle, who would come out more heartbroken? it’s kind of like that famous shakespearean love triangle between van dyke parks’ mustache, the little shading of facial hair underneath don van vliet’s lip (what’s that called again?) and the many, many, many beautiful incarnations of john oates’ face forest. at the end of the day there’s just a lot of broken hearts, spoiled tissues, and angry mothers. you know what i mean, right? right.

#733: the band - it makes no difference (1976, the last waltz)

everyone knows that the band’s guitarist robbie robertson had the grin, levon helm had the howl and the best beard, except for certain years of organist garth hudson’s facial hair growth, although come to think of it pianist richard manuel’s was pretty intense, too. and so what about bassist rick danko? he had the wobble. he had the bad teeth, and he knew the card tricks, and dr. john would have willed him his hat collection had rick danko not died first. i was eating eggs once and he made me cry just by singing about rain falling on his doorstep. he was my favorite band member.

note: is that chaucer being recited right at the end there?

#732: the band - up on cripple creek (live in big pink, 1969)

there’s something about robbie robertson’s spectacled grin, or maybe it’s just the entire band’s tremendous iron ore crunch, that’s always seemed particularly unfair for the rest of us.

#715: novos bainos - preta pretinha (1973)

the reaction to my news about bloomberg and the observer could not have been more generous—it’s enough to warm the heart on this very cold new york december afternoon. thank you very much, everyone. truly, without exaggerating, it’s made me nearly as smiley as the guy from novos bainos who plays the brazilian ukulele or whatever it is in this preta pretinha clip. please enjoy.

#689: roxy music - remake/remodel (live, 1972)

the only important things to remember about the 1970s were brian eno’s vests, bryan ferry’s mustaches, phil manzanera’s spectacles, and andy mackay’s oboe solos, plus, depending on your perspective and surname, my dad’s hair.

#675: ike & tina turner - i smell trouble (netherlands, 1971)

i would totally be ike this oct. 31, if i were a real man, by which i actually mean if i could grow a mustache and ever think about being really horrible to my drippingly talented and wildly iconic spouse.